Cindy Crawford is opening up about the death of her brother Jeffrey. The supermodel detailed her experience suffering “survivor guilt” after the tragic death of her 3-year-old brother. During her recent conversation on the ‘Kelly Corrigan Wonders’ podcast, she explained how she felt at the age of 9 when Jeffrey was battling leukemia.

“My dad wanted a boy, so the fourth was the boy and I think that there was a lot of guilt,” she revealed on the podcast, experiencing the difficult moment with her sisters Chris and Danielle. “There’s like that survivor guilt of the other kids and especially because we knew that my dad really wanted a boy. We felt like ‘Well it should’ve been one of us.’”

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“It was so weird, for years, my sisters and I would all have these same nightmares, that it should’ve been one of us,” she continued, admitting that therapy helped her overcome the tragedy.

“Just recently, I was doing some coaching through Covid. I actually had time to do real work, and I realized that one of the questions the coach asked me was something like, ‘What did you need to hear at that time that you didn’t hear?’ and I realized; And my mom wouldn’t have known to say this, she was 26 years old and had just lost a child, but I needed to hear, ‘Yes, we’re so sad that Jeff has died, but we’re so happy you are here,“ she declared.

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“I remember when I went back to school after my brother died, not one person said one thing to me, no kidding, except for one kid who was like, ‘I saw in the paper your brother’s dead. Is that true?” she said. “I was like, ‘Whoa.’ It was so in your face, but he didn’t know what to say. We were in third grade.”